Quantum Gravity

[Vaylen Darkstar]

Is time really necessary for our ever evolving model of the universe? Is time an independent entity that we compare events against? Or is time simply a derivitive to simplify the relationships between events. For example, the movement of a glacier could be counted relative to the beats of a human heart, and the movement of the earth around the sun...however we simplify this relationship by using a common denominator. Time.

Is time a 4th dimension? Or is it like money...only as real so long as we use it as a standard unit of measurement?

[Caden Graka]

I'd accuse you of posting while under the influence of alcohol, but your sentences are too coherent and spelling too good. Therefore, I posit that you are/were (time being relative to the observer) currently bored at home. Alone.

[Ewel Long]

Duh the answer when available is always 42. It is the answer for everything and is acceptable in all circumstances.

[DocPepa]

This one took quite a bit of calculation and an experiment that resulted in a cat getting drunk and crashing my car into neighbor’s garage, which is fine because she is kinda hot and I wanted to meet her anyway and just need a good opening line.

I started with the premise of a time line with points A & B and the axiom that the shortest distance between two points was a straight line. So I placed the cat at point A to represent now and a pitcher of Beer weighing the exact same amount as the cat on the coffee table to represent a future time point B. Now the hard part was coming up which was my understanding of gravity versus quantum gravity. Gravity was holding the cat and beer down in their respective positions which indicated to me that gravity was actually a constant in this equation. So the units of time for points A Cat and point B Pitcher of beer would equally divisible by the denominator of gravity. That’s why there had to be an equal gravitational mass of beer to the cat.

But to throw quantum gravity in the mix. Well with quantum theory point A Cat can be relational to any other point. So it would be like taking the straight line from the Cat to the pitcher of Beer, and bending it. I probably could have done this the opposite way, but it made more sense to invert the cat and shove it into the pitcher of beer. Hence representing the bending of linear time as I think my quantum model would need. The problem I had with that is the energy expended by myself to force the cat into the beer is not accorded for in what will actually warp time. Well, somewhere I learned E=Mc2 where the speed of light needed to be in equation. I don’t have a means to propel the cat into the beer at twice the speed of light, but I do have a jeep. If I could get the cat moving fast enough I could model the speed of the jeep and multiply it by its divisibility into the coefficient of the speed of light. So the problem is if I drove I would be added mass in moving the Cat from point A to Point B the beer. And remember the gravity had to be constant.

Knowing my end result should be the cat, the beer moving at the speed of light should come to occupy the same or relatively the same place at the same time to have a true quantum time line, required I place the cat back in the pitcher of beer, strap him to the steering wheel, place a brick on the gas pedal and when the jeep came to a stop I should have recreated the point where all of those things came together. My theory being if the jeep did not stop, or the cat aka Point A was not still lodged in the pitcher of beer aka Point B, then the experiment failed linear time would not be necessary with a constant quantum gravitational value. But since I can consciously perceive linear time, the expectation on my part was the beer and the cat becoming one and something happening to the jeep, was secondary.

The experiment was a success. Though the Cat and the beer didn’t fuse into a beercat, the cat did drink the beer, jump out of the pitcher causing the steering wheel it was strapped to turn and jumped out of the jeep. The turning steering wheel brick combination did cause a crash, which expended energy, but only I noticed…after thinking it was a failure..realizing the Cat had drunk the beer in effect Point A had become Point B. So I was right but for the wrong reasons. Hence I deduced the Cat was drunk so I should get drunk and the entire experiment could only mean it was happy hour to begin with.

So when my kinda cute neighbor came to the door, I asked her if she wanted to get a drink and talk about my insurance. She said yes, and asked me if I had seen her cat which escaped from her home earlier that day. Only a linear timeline would have allowed the Cat to escape prior to my experiment on quantum gravity again I think it has to be true.

[Vaylen Darkstar]

I enjoyed your experiment on multiple level, and appluad your dedication to both science, drinking, and women.

In order to recreate your thought process, and since I own neither a jeep nor a cat, I have concluded that I should instead warp my PERCEPTION of time by drinking massive quantities of beer.

This will also have the effect of making my liver more dense, insomuch as I will be drinking lager type beers opposed to anything with the word "lite/light" attached to it. The increased density of my liver and subsequent increase of liquid volume WILL make my body a perfect tool for capturing geo-neutrinos escaping from radioactive decay within our own planet. Neutrinos as you know have the ability to pass unhindered through space-time and should thus fulfill the requirement of achieving relativistic velocities. For my own experiment, I have decided to make my home Point A....and to demonstrate the "quantum state" of the Point B...I have assigned it to every bar in the DC Metro area. I will narrow it to Arlington, Georgetown and Adams Morgan for purpose of calculation later. Since no one can know where I will be until they observe me at said point B, it is possible I will be at all of these bars at once.

I too have decided to add a cute girl to this experiment, because in all of physics, there is a lot of luck involved, and it doesn't get luckier than a blond attorney who thinks heels should be part of a uniform along with pencil skirts and stockings.

I will report my results tomorrow, unless due to some unforeseen variable I am completely atomized, or transported back in time.

[DocPepa]

Vaylen! My god you are a genius! We need to report this immediately to the Sith council. You may have stumbled on perhaps the greatest tool outside of the force to launch massive surprise attacks on entrenched rebel positions…providing they are Bars of course.

By enhancing our perception with neutrino enhanced libations of adult propensity ..aka beer, we likely will first become invisible, second impervious to harm and lastly should your experiment conclude successfully be able to be in all bars at once! We could pop up right in the middle of the rebel defenses as they sip their toddies with pinkes extended never expecting a drunken barrage if Sith with extended light sabers and blasters. We could never be injured as we are everywhere at once, while they are only where they are at! Drunk stationary targets!

Adding the cute girl in a pencil skirt and stockings is sheer momentous gravitas. There could be nothing better than passing a nice liberated cold one to a beauty of such striking note from the cold dead hand of rebel scum with the firm assertion of its earnest deliverance from the hand of the misguided. I would be inspired to drink an entire keg by myself ignoring any risk for the privilege of making such an offer to said beauty. I may have to shoot her for being in a Rebel Bar without papers, but I’m not a monster and it would only be after I enjoyed her smile as she drinks said liberated beverage.

I cannot wait to hear the results of your experiment! If I were not trying to give my neighbor’s cat some more beer to help it sleep while I convince it’s owner my use of the cat was for the greater good of the Sith, I think I’d be bold enough to try and duplicate your hypothesis though said experiment myself.
Best of Luck!
Doc

[RedHarlequin]

Ewel Long wrote:

Duh the answer when available is always 42. It is the answer for everything and is acceptable in all circumstances.

Only when it involves your preferred girlfriend's age, Ewel. :D